"Questions crowd in my bewildered mind every time I encounter the world's ugliness.

This ugliness gives me the frame of reference by which I understand the world's beauty...but I suffer nonetheless. She confronts me with what I cannot explain. She reproaches me at every encounter without saying a word. Does your dignified and sanctimonious Conference of the Books deal with the extremities of ugliness? Does your Conference console a murdered soul?

After an uncomfortable pause, she tells me that as a child she learned that love is a service. The warmth and love of parent that you take for granted came to me at the price of my soul. She senses the anxiety on my face and she says: "Yes, I was sexually molested by my father most of my life." Do you have any idea how that feels? I learned early on that my body was not my own - it was simply a price to be paid in return for attention and affection. I learned to hate and sacrifice my body and to cower each time in shame. I was locked into a cycle of degradation and bitter self-hate. The barriers of decency or morality were long ago destroyed. Your dignified Conference cannot endure the degrading details so I will save you the agony. But who talks about me in your dignified world? [...]

I tried to find what my fellow Muslims have to say about me or to me. I found books written by atheists, Jews, and Christians, but nothing by fellow brethren. Nothing by Muslims about rape, sexual abuse, or child molestation. Do I exist in your world? I tried to talk to my fellow Muslims about my 'experiences' - have you ever experienced the shifty eyes, the uncomfortable glances, the change of topic, and the self-assured advice to forget the unforgettable? [...]

Your conference seems to discourse about everything. But does this Conference talk about me? [...]

The only place I can find a discourse about here is in the writings of non-Muslim authors. Most bookstores have a section on abuse and self-empowerment. But our books are silent. Unfortunately, my sister, you have not yet entered our consciousness. I know that in some circumstances an apology is an insult. But this whole Conference is an apology for our contemporary reality. I write this in your honor and may future Conferences acknowledge your reality.

January 1997

-Khaled M. Abou El Fadl, Conference of the Books: The Search for Beauty in Islam, p. 41-43